Halloween is just around the corner – do you have your costume ready? If not, don’t worry! We here at Coffee Hour have prepared ideas that will terrify your friends and colleagues, guaranteed.
Get a headband and attach two squiggly pipe cleaners to it. Print out all 564 γγ-related arXiv submissions and tape or staple them to your outfit. Disappear and go home early in the night.
Dress up however you’d like, but kind of weird. Tell people you’re a Chern number when they ask. Everyone accepts this and avoids you because they’re scared to admit they don’t know what a Chern number is.
Roll around in the dirt and smear it all over yourself. Carry around swirly fans. Try to embarrass your astrophysics friends.
Wear a handsome suit. Paternalistically explain to anyone around you that unionization will inhibit their flexibility and inventiveness. Reassure them that Cornell will usually provide workers comp and maternity leave, but won’t guarantee it because of the unique context of graduate student work.
Dress like you imagine you will in four or five years. Carry around data on the shrinking academic job market.
This post originally appeared in an email announcing the Cornell physics graduate student coffee hour.