Jaron’s Blog

A SpooOOooky Coffee Hour

Halloween is just around the corner – do you have your costume ready? If not, don’t worry! We here at Coffee Hour have prepared ideas that will terrify your friends and colleagues, guaranteed.

750 GeV diphoton excess

diphoton costume

Get a headband and attach two squiggly pipe cleaners to it. Print out all 564 γγ-related arXiv submissions and tape or staple them to your outfit. Disappear and go home early in the night.

Chern number

Dress up however you’d like, but kind of weird. Tell people you’re a Chern number when they ask. Everyone accepts this and avoids you because they’re scared to admit they don’t know what a Chern number is.

Dust

dust costume

Roll around in the dirt and smear it all over yourself. Carry around swirly fans. Try to embarrass your astrophysics friends.

Interim President Hunter Rawlings

Wear a handsome suit. Paternalistically explain to anyone around you that unionization will inhibit their flexibility and inventiveness. Reassure them that Cornell will usually provide workers comp and maternity leave, but won’t guarantee it because of the unique context of graduate student work.

Adjunct professor

Dress like you imagine you will in four or five years. Carry around data on the shrinking academic job market.